- What CAN all that green stuff be? - said Alice. - And where HAVE my
shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you? She
was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow, except
a little shaking among the distant green leaves.
As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head,
she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her
neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She had
just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and was going to
dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops of
the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her
draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was
beating her violently with its wings.
- Serpent! - screamed the Pigeon.
- I'm NOT a serpent! - said Alice indignantly. - Let me alone!
- Serpent, I say again! - repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued
tone, and added with a kind of sob, - I've tried every way, and nothing
seems to suit them!
- I haven't the least idea what you're talking about, - said Alice.
- I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've tried
hedges, - the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; - but those
serpents! There's no pleasing them!
Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in
saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
- As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs, - said the
Pigeon; - but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I
haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!
- I'm very sorry you've been annoyed, - said Alice, who was beginning
to see its meaning.
- And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood, - continued the
Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, - and just as I was thinking I
should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from
the sky! Ugh, Serpent!
- But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you! - said Alice. - I'm a - I'm a
- Well! WHAT are you? - said the Pigeon. - I can see you're trying to
invent something!
- I - I'm a little girl, - said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she
remembered the number of changes she had gone through that day.
- A likely story indeed! - said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest
contempt. - I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never ONE
with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use
denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an
egg!
- I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly, - said Alice, who was a very
truthful child; - but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do,
you know.
- I don't believe it, - said the Pigeon; - but if they do, why then
they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.
This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent for a
minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding,
- You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it
matter to me whether you're a little girl or a serpent?
- It matters a good deal to ME, - said Alice hastily; - but I'm not
looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I
don't like them raw.
- Well, be off, then! - said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it
settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as
well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches,
and every now and then she had to stop and untwist it. After a while she
remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and
she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the
other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had
succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that
it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes,
and began talking to herself, as usual. - Come, there's half my plan done
now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going to
be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right size:
the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden - how IS that to be
done, I wonder? - As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open place,
with a little house in it about four feet high. - Whoever lives there, -
thought Alice, - it'll never do to come upon them THIS size: why, I should
frighten them out of their wits! - So she began nibbling at the righthand
bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she had brought
herself down to nine inches high.



CHAPTER VI

Pig and Pepper

For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering
what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the
wood - (she considered him to be a footman because he was in livery:
otherwise, judging by his face only, she would have called him a fish) -
and rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened by another
footman in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both
footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their
heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and crept a
little way out of the wood to listen.
The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great
letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other,
saying, in a solemn tone, - For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen
to play croquet. - The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone,
only changing the order of the words a little, - From the Queen. An
invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.
Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.
Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the wood
for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the
Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the
door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked. - There's no sort of
use in knocking, - said the Footman, - and that for two reasons. First,
because I'm on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because
they're making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you. - And
certainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on within - a
constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if
a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.
- Please, then, - said Alice, - how am I to get in?
- There might be some sense in your knocking, - the Footman went on
without attending to her, - if we had the door between us. For instance,
if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know. -
He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this
Alice thought decidedly uncivil. - But perhaps he can't help it, - she
said to herself; - his eyes are so VERY nearly at the top of his head. But
at any rate he might answer questions. - How am I to get in? - she
repeated, aloud.
- I shall sit here, - the Footman remarked, - till tomorrow At this
moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came skimming out,
straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed his nose, and broke to
pieces against one of the trees behind him.
- or next day, maybe, - the Footman continued in the same tone,
exactly as if nothing had happened.
- How am I to get in? - asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
- ARE you to get in at all? - said the Footman. - That's the first
question, you know.
It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. - It's
really dreadful, - she muttered to herself, - the way all the creatures
argue. It's enough to drive one crazy!
The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his
remark, with variations. - I shall sit here, - he said, - on and off, for
days and days.
- But what am I to do? - said Alice.
- Anything you like - said the Footman, and began whistling.
- Oh, there's no use in talking to him, - said Alice desperately: -
he's perfectly idiotic! - And she opened the door and went in. The door
led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from one end to
the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle,
nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring a large
cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.
- There's certainly too much pepper in that soup! - Alice said to
herself, as well as she could for sneezing.
There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess
sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling
alternately without a moment's pause. The only things in the kitchen that
did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on the
hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
- Please would you tell me, - said Alice, a little timidly, for she
was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, -
why your cat grins like that?
- It's a Cheshire cat, - said the Duchess, - and that's why. Pig! She
said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite jumped; but
she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby, and not to
her, so she took courage, and went on again:
I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't
know that cats COULD grin.
- They all can, - said the Duchess; - and most of 'em do.
- I don't know of any that do, - Alice said very politely, feeling
quite pleased to have got into a conversation.
- You don't know much, - said the Duchess; - and that's a fact. Alice
did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would be as
well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she was trying
to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at
once set to work throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and
the baby-the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans,
plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even when they hit
her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it was quite
impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
- Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing! - cried Alice, jumping up and
down in an agony of terror. - Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS nose; - as an
unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
- If everybody minded their own business, - the Duchess said in a
hoarse growl, - the world would go round a deal faster than it does.
- Which would NOT be an advantage, - said Alice, who felt very glad
to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. - Just
think of what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth
takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis
- Talking of axes, - said the Duchess, - chop off her head! Alice
glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take the
hint;
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14