Just like a whole set
of fireirons falling into the fender! And how quiet the horses are! They
let them get on and off them just as if they were tables!
Another Rule of Battle, that Alice had not noticed, seemed to be that
they always fell on their heads, and the battle ended with their both
falling off in this way, side by side: when they got up again, they shook
hands, and then the Red Knight mounted and galloped off.
- It was a glorious victory, wasn't it? - said the White Knight, as
he came up panting.
- I don't know, - Alice said doubtfully. - I don't want to be
anybody's prisoner. I want to be a Queen.
- So you will, when you've crossed the next brook, - said the White
Knight. - I'll see you safe to the end of the wood - and then I must go
back, you know. That's the end of my move.
- Thank you very much, - said Alice. - May I help you off with your
helmet? - It was evidently more than he could manage by himself; however,
she managed to shake him out of it at last.
- Now one can breathe more easily, - said the Knight, putting back
his shaggy hair with both hands, and turning his gentle face and large
mild eyes to Alice. She thought she had never seen such a strange-looking
soldier in all her life.
He was dressed in tin armour, which seemed to fit him very badly, and
he had a queer-shaped little deal box fastened across his shoulder,
upside-down, and with the lid hanging open. Alice looked at it with great
curiosity.
- I see you're admiring my little box. - the Knight said in a
friendly tone. - It's my own invention - to keep clothes and sandwiches
in. You see I carry it upside-down, so that the rain can't get in.
- But the things can get OUT, - Alice gently remarked. - Do you know
the lid's open?
- I didn't know it, - the Knight said, a shade of vexation passing
over his face. - Then all the things much have fallen out! And the box is
no use without them. - He unfastened it as he spoke, and was just going to
throw it into the bushes, when a sudden though seemed to strike him, and
he hung it carefully on a tree. - Can you guess why I did that? - he said
to Alice.
Alice shook her head. - In hopes some bees my make a nest in it -
then I should get the
honey.
- But you've got a bee-hive - or something like one - fastened to the
saddle, - said Alice.
- Yes, it's a very good bee-hive, - the Knight said in a discontented
tone, - one of the best kind. But not a single bee has come near it yet.
And the other thing is a mouse-trap. I suppose the mice keep the bees out
- or the bees keep the mice out, I don't know which.
- I was wondering what the mouse-trap was for, - said Alice. - It
isn't very likely there would be any mice on the horse's back.
- Not very likely, perhaps, - said the Knight: - but if they DO come,
I don't choose to have them running all about.
- You see, - he went on after a pause, - it's as well to be provided
for EVERYTHING. That's the reason the horse has all those anklets round
his feet.
- But what are they for? - Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
- To guard against the bites of sharks, - the Knight replied. - It's
an invention of my own. And now help me on. I'll go with you to the end of
the wood - What's the dish for?
- It's meant for plum-cake, - said Alice.
- We'd better take it with us, the Knight said. - It'll some in handy
if we find any plum-cake. Help me to get it into this bag.
This took a very long time to manage, though Alice held the bag open
very carefully, because the Knight was so VERY awkward in putting in the
dish: the first two or three times that he tried he fell in himself
instead. - It's rather a tight fit, you see, - he said, as they got it in
a last; - There are so many candlesticks in the bag. - And he hung it to
the saddle, which was already loaded with bunches of carrots, and
fire-irons, and many other things.
- I hope you've got your hair well fastened on? - he continued, as
they set off.
- Only in the usual way, - alice said, smiling.
- That's hardly enough, - he said, anxiously. - You see the wind is
so VERY strong here. It's as strong as soup.
- Have you invented a plan for keeping the hair from being blown off?
- Alice enquired.
- Not yet, - said the Knight. - But I've got a plan for keeping it
from FALLING off.
- I should like to hear it, very much.
- First you take an upright stick, - said the Knight. - Then you make
your hair creep up it, like a fruit-tree. Now the reason hair falls off is
because it hangs DOWN - things never fall UPWARDS, you know. It's a plan
of my own invention. You may try it if you like.
It didn't sound a comfortable plan, Alice thought, and for a few
minutes she walked on in silence, puzzling over the idea, and every now
and then stopping to help the poor Knight, who certainly was NOT a good
rider.
Whenever the horse stopped (which it did very often), he fell off in
front; and whenever it went on again (which it generally did rather
suddenly), he fell off behind. Otherwise he kept on pretty well, except
that he had a habit of now and then falling off sideways; and as he
generally did this on the side on which Alice was walking, she soon found
that it was the best plan not to walk QUITE close to the horse.
- I'm afraid you've not had much practice in riding, - she ventured
to say, as she was helping him up from his fifth tumble.
The Knight looked very much surprised, and a little offended at the
remark. - What makes you say that? - he asked, as he scrambled back into
the saddle, keeping hold of Alice's hair with one hand, to save himself
from falling over on the other side.
- Because people don't fall off quite so often, when they've had much
practice.
- I've had plenty of practice, - the Knight said very gravely: -
plenty of practice!
Alice could think of nothing better to say than - Indeed? - but she
said it as heartily as she could. They went on a little way in silence
after this, the Knight with his eyes shut, muttering to himself, and Alice
watching anxiously for the next tumble.
- The great art of riding, - the Knight suddenly began in a loud
voice, waving his right arm as he spoke, - is to keep - Here the sentence
ended as suddenly as it had begun, as the Knight fell heavily on the top
of his head exactly in the path were Alice was walking. She was quite
frightened this time, and said in an anxious tone, as she picked him up, -
I hope no bones are broken?
- None to speak of, - the Knight said, as if he didn't mind breaking
two or three of them. - The great art of riding, as I was saying, is - to
keep your balance properly. Like this, you know
He let go the bridle, and stretched out both his arms to show Alice
what he meant, and this time he fell flat on his back, right under the
horse's feet.
- Plenty of practice? - he went on repeating, all the time that Alice
was getting him on his feet again. - Plenty of practice!
- It's too ridiculous! - cried Alice, losing all her patience this
time. - You ought to have a wooden horse on wheels, that you ought!
- Does that kind go smoothly? - the Knight asked in a tone of great
interest, clasping his arms round the horse's neck as he spoke, just in
time to save himself from tumbling off again.
- Much more smoothly than a live horse, - Alice said, with a little
scream of laughter, in spite of all she could do to prevent it.
- I'll get one, - the Knight said thoughtfully to himself. - One or
two - several.
There was a short silence after this, and then the Knight went on
again. - I'm a great hand at inventing things. Now, I daresay you noticed,
that last time you picked me up, that I was looking rather thoughtful?
- You WERE a little grave, - said Alice.
- Well, just then I was inventing a new way of getting over a gate -
would you like to hear it?
- Very much indeed, - Alice said politely.
- I'll tell you how I came to think of it, - said the Knight. - You
see, I said to myself, "The only difficulty is with the feet: the HEAD is
high enough already." Now, first I put my head on the top of the gate -
then I stand on my head - then the feet are high enough, you see - then
I'm over, you see.
- Yes, I suppose you'd be over when that was done, - Alice said
thoughtfully: - but don't you think it would be rather hard?
- I haven't tried it yet, - the Knight said, gravely: - so I can't
tell for certain - but I'm afraid it WOULD be a little hard.
He looked so vexed at the idea, that Alice changed the subject
hastily. - What a curious helmet you've got! - she said cheerfully. - Is
that your invention too?
The Knight looked down proudly at his helmet, which hung from the
saddle. - Yes, - he said, - but I've invented a better one than that like
a sugar loaf. When I used to wear it, if I fell of the horse, it always
touched the ground directly. So I had a VERY little way to fall, you see -
But there WAS the danger of falling INTO it, to be sure. THat happened to
me once - and the worst of it was, before I could get out again, the other
White Knight came and put it on. He thought it was his own helmet.
The knight looked so solemn about it that Alice did not dare to
laugh. - I'm afraid you must have hurt him, - she said in a trembling
voice, - being on the top of his head.
- I had to kick him, of course, - the Knight said, very seriously. -
And then he took the helmet off again - but it took hours and hours to get
me out. I was as fast as - as lightning, you know.
- But that's a different kind of fastness, - Alice objected. The
Knight shook his head. - It was all kinds of fastness with me, I
can assure you! - he said. He raised his hands in some excitement as he
said this, and instantly rolled out of the saddle, and fell headlong into
a deep ditch.
Alice ran to the side of the ditch to look for him. She was rather
startled by the fall, as for some time he had kept on very well, and she
was afraid that he really WAS hurt this time. However, though she could
see nothing but the soles of his feet, she was much relieved to hear that
he was talking on in his usual tone. - All kinds of fastness, - he
repeated: - but it was careless of him to put another man's helmet on -
with the man in it, too.
- How CAN you go on talking so quietly, head downwards? - Alice
asked, as she dragged him out by the feet, and laid him in a heap on the
bank.
The Knight looked surprised at the question. - What does it matter
where my body happens to be? - he said. - My mind goes on working all the
same. In fact, the more head downwards I am, the more I keep inventing new
things.
- Now the cleverest thing of the sort that I ever did, - he went on
after a pause, - was inventing a new pudding during the meatcourse.
- In time to have it cooked for the next course? - said Alice. -
Well, not the NEXT course, - the Knight said in a slow thoughtful tone: -
no, certainly not the next COURSE.
- Then it would have to be the next day.
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